Unwritten Rules

And if the ear would say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole body were hearing, where would the sense of smell be? ~ 1 Corinthians 12:16-17

A local bird club has a motto, “no rules, no dues, just birds.” Sounds good, doesn’t it? Except we all know that there are always unwritten rules aren’t there? Sometimes the problem with written rules is that they breed resentment when rules are considered petty. Still, clarity about expectations can be helpful, when we respect the rules. We only notice unwritten rules when they are broken. Because they weren’t explicit, ignorance is a fair defense. Still, if there is respect between people, the rules shouldn’t need to be spelled out.

An unwritten rule was exposed on a birding trip I was on recently. Since we had two spotting scope among us, I was told that mine could be the tall one and theirs would be the short one. The unwritten rule was that all scopes should be set up so that the shortest person I the group can use it, since tall people can stoop, but short people can’t levitate. At first, I was happy to avoid bending over, until I realized that when I had something in my scope, that didn’t mean those on the short scope would find it as well. Respecting the “rule” meant also respecting the other birders.

I also discovered an unwritten law that wasn’t equally known when I felt disrespected this week. The “rule” that I expected to be obvious was that when a rare bird shows up in your yard, you make sure your hardcore birding neighbor knows immediately and doesn’t have to read about it the next day. OK, so maybe that reflects my expectations that include an unhealthy dose of assumed privilege. After all, the Dickcissel was reported with good documentation and I did learn about it, and did get to photograph it two days later.

The experience got me thinking about respect. When communication of expectations and needs is clearer, respect is easier to give. The real challenge comes in taking the time to take that second look (the literal meaning of re-spect), considering what life is like for someone other than you. Respect gets even harder when that other person lives and thinks very differently from you. That doesn’t mean that you are off the hook. Ultimately, we all are connected and no progress can occur if we don’t, at minimum, take the time to respect the difference that don’t need to divide. If you want to improve your birding, don’t let your eyes disrespect your ears.

Prayer: Holy Breath, help us accept that all the parts of your body need you and are made holy by you, regardless of how us parts feel about it. Amen.